Random Friday

I think my experience on match.com has come full circle. I received an email yesterday from the first guy that I talked to on match.com. He was the one who asked if I was interested in taking a lover. He then emailed me to see if I wanted to get together in which I very nicely responded "no, i think we're interested in different things." Apparently, he thinks I might have changed my mind. Or if I haven't changed my mind a second email will do the trick. The email said "still looking yor hot". No punctuation or correct spelling. I definitely haven't changed my mind. Still not looking to take a lover and a second email with bad grammar and punctuation will not change my mind. I am emailing a new guy who manages some shoe store in the mall. I'm trying to be open minded because he's used to when he means too repeatedly in his emails. I'm trying to not let that be a deal breaker, but it's difficult for this teacher to overlook.
I'm pretty excited about girls' night tonight. I have a fantastic meal planned. Two different homemade pizzas and homemade ice cream sandwiches. The first pizza is going to be a chicken bacon ranch with ranch dressing instead of tomato sauce. The second is going to be a mexican pizza with salsa instead of tomato sauce. Then thin chocolate wafer cookies with either coffee ice cream or chocolate ice cream in between them. I'm looking forward to it. I'm trying out fasting for lent on Fridays. I can't fast completely but I've had only liquids so far today. I'm fasting until sundown and then I can eat. So I'm going to enjoy the pizza and dessert big time. I'm also excited about tonight because we haven't met in a long time and there are going to be some new friends and old friends there. It should be a good night.
Tomorrow my mom, sister and I are going to shop for maternity clothes for my sister. I'm very excited. She's so cute as she's getting into her second trimester.
Lots of randomness today. :)

Glitter

I have this girls ministry that I've started at our church. Some of the youth girls and I get together about once a month to just hang out and have fun. We eat, watch a movie, usually do a devotion and then a craft. The idea has developed over the past year into something really great. I love to be crafty and just planned a craft as an after thought the first time. Since then, the craft is a must. I think it might be the best part. The craft usually ties into the devotion somehow and it is a great opportunity to be creative. A lot of our crafts have involved sparkly things. We decorated boxes in the summer with words and other things. Mine was all blinged out. I'm fairly certain I said something along the lines of as I get older, I like sparkles more and more. As soon as I said it, I told the girls to forget that I ever said that. Of course they haven't. They remind me of it all the time. In fact one of the girls saved a quote for me. "Glitter is the herpes of the arts and crafts world." I loved it and it is so true. Friday is the February girls night. We haven't had one since December so I'm really looking forward to it. Plus we're starting a new series on relationships, dating, and sex. So it should be interesting. Hopefully we can all be open and honest and really learn something. I learn stuff from them all the time. They are great reminder of what kind of woman I want to be. We are also doing a really cool craft, mosaics. I began the idea with wanting to do a real tile mosaic. But the more I got into the idea, I realized it was time consuming and expensive. I'm hoping that this summer at our retreat we can do a real tile mosaic because I'm really into the idea. Of course, I'm always looking for new ways to express my creativity. I'll have to settle this week with paper mosaics. I did an example and it turned out pretty good. So I'm excited to see what the girls do with it. They always come up with creative ways to carry out the idea that I have. That's what I love about these times. It gives everyone an outlet for whatever they are feeling. Being creative is great way to show what's going on inside you and to express your relationship with God. Sometimes finding the words is hard, but through arts and crafts we can always express ourselves.

¹⁶ Give glory to the LORD your God
before he brings the darkness,
before your feet stumble
on the darkening hills.
You hope for light,
but he will turn it to thick darkness
and change it to deep gloom.

Jeremiah 13:16

Are you winking at enough guys?

The statement "are you winking at enough guys?" got me into loads of trouble the past few weeks. Josh said this to me as I was deciding to give up on dating through match.com. The next day I got winked at by a guy and I returned the wink. This lead to me and the guy we'll name the possessor to start dating. It was too much too fast. We went out three times in one week. The week before Valentine's Day no less. So on the second date, he bought me an expensive bracelet and took me to Best Buy to look at Sony Readers as a future present. On the third date, I made him dinner for Valentine's Day and he brought me a stuffed Monkey. It was on this date I knew I was going to break his heart. He liked me way more than I liked him. He wanted to know where I was and what I was doing at all times. If I didn't start my day off talking to him, he thought something was wrong. And he had serious issues with the other people in my life. He wanted to know all about Josh and I's relationship. Which I told him we worked on youth stuff together. He also didn't seem to like that Katie was soulmate. I'm sorry guys but it's the truth. She's my soulmate and you're just someone to have fun with. The possessor was sweet and I really did try to make it work. But on the fourth date, he got a little impatient with me because I was running a few minutes late. Then he gave me the third degree about the youth movie night I was going to the next night. The last straw was when he sent me a text not even 5 minutes after parting that said thought about you. I know I'm a girl I should like this stuff. But I don't. I'm super independent and the idea of marriage scares me. It is way too soon to be talking the "M" word before you've been dating for a while. I'm beginning to think I'm not cut out for dating. I have one more month on Match.com and I guess I'll keep trying. But after my month is up, there is a good chance I'm done with it all for a while. I'm sure that there is a guy out there who is nice but not too nice. Who is interested in me but doesn't make his whole life about me. Someone who knows that I have a lot going on and these things are important to me. But until then, I always have my soulmate Katie and all my other friends and the youth. I'm pretty sure I'd rather go cosmic bowling or to an ice bears game with them instead of an awkward date. That might just sum it all up for me.

Namaste

So in efforts to get in shape and eat better, I've tried yoga. It started last week as a workout dvd that I did with my friend Sarah. It was yoga for abs. And it was killer. My abs hurt so bad the next day. Saturday, I was feeling kind of restless and I remembered I had a 15 minute yoga dvd. I had bought this over a year ago and it was still in the wrapper. I did the total body workout and discovered this was something I could enjoy. I'm not sure what it was that appealed to me. The movements weren't too difficult and I felt pretty good when I finished. So my new goal is to try to do 15 minutes of yoga to start my day. So far I've done it 2 days in a row. I've been searching for something to do for Lent. Last year I gave something up and the year before I added something. I really enjoyed adding something and felt like I got more out of it. So I think I'm going to try yoga with meditation. The idea being that I would spend a few minutes in quiet with God. The end of the yoga workout has the opportunity to center yourself. Centering myself on God seems like a logical step. So we'll see. I'm sure it won't be easy but that's not the point of Lent.
Maybe I can learn some breathing techniques to help get me through my day. It is quite the Monday. I just took a student to the office because he's so defiant. The next step is paddling and I just don't know how I feel about that. It tends to upset me more than the student. So here's to learning good ways to deal with stress.
Namaste

Midweek Blues

Today we had to be at school right on time. It was so hard after a snow day Friday and 2 hours late Monday and Tuesday. I drank too much caffeine last night at youth and didn't fall asleep til like 2:30. So I'm tired and I think in turn a little cranky. I'm trying not to be but it is hard.
Nothing good or new on the dating front. The rocker and I are suppose to hang out tomorrow but I don't really want to anymore. I tried talking to him about what was important to me but he didn't get it. I'm hoping that he's lost interest since I haven't heard from him since Monday. Luckily even if I do, a youth thing came up so I have to do that.
I'm beginning to make some generalizations about men now that I've been doing this online dating thing for a month and a half. The first one is 28 is a good age for 38 year old men to find attractive. I've been winked at and contacted by mostly 38 year old me. I personally think that is too old. 35 is my limit and even that seems a little too old. The second is that men use online dating as a numbers game. The more girls they wink at the better chance they have to getting one to respond. 3. They believe that when they email a girl 3 times and she hasn't responded to it doesn't mean she isn't interested. When in fact it does mean she isn't interested. 4. Just because they email you doesn't mean they are really interested. If you mention church, they realize they probably aren't going to get sex and don't send you a second email.
I've talked to quite a few 33 year olds and I've drawn some conclusions about them. 1. They are starting to focus on their bodies again. They work out obsessively and worry about food. 2. The seem to be interested in girl on girl action. Could be all guys and at 33 they decided to actually put it out there. 3. They use different words for things than I'm use to. They use slang that I no longer hear people saying. I could give an example but it is way inappropriate. Could be that I'm just use to teenagers. 4. They actually seem to believe in treating women a certain way. They hold doors open and give really good compliments.
These are all just generalizations and mean nothing but this is what I've learned from online dating. I'm fairly certain it is not for me but I still have a month and a half on match.com. I'm also fairly certain dating in general isn't for me. Not sure how I'm going to find someone to marry and have babies with though. Maybe I'll just skip the husband and adopt.
Now that I've sat down and thought about the things I've learned, the midweek blues have definitely set in. Good thing I have kindergarteners and teenagers to make me feel better.

SCF seeking SCM and accepting no substitutes

This weekend I had the opportunity to participate in a young adult event. The speaker and band were amazing and it was just what I needed. The weekend before was Resurrection and it was all about the youth. This weekend was for me. The seeds were planted the weekend of Resurrection. I needed to be thinking about what in my life was holy and what wasn't. This weekend it really hit me that I wasn't living life the way I should be. I was letting things come in between me and God. I am his and he has claimed me. But I haven't been living like that. I've been living of the world. Here I am trying to find someone to date. There's nothing wrong with that but I've become obsessed with it. I've been talking to this guy who I like. He's sweet and cute but he doesn't get it. He doesn't get that the most important thing in my life is my relationship with God. He thinks I'm too busy and don't have time for dating. I realized that even though this guy makes me feel good about myself, he isn't the right one for me to be dating. There is someone out there who gets it. Someone who has a relationship with God and will recognize it is the most important relationship we have. If I'm not focused on that relationship, no other relationship will be healthy. It isn't easy to break off those relationships that aren't healthy. I'm the queen of unhealthy relationships. But I know this feeling of being lost will only go away once I give myself to God again.
I have to trust that God will send me the right someone and that I don't have to settle for the wrong one or the convenient one. People do not change that much. I can't change anyone or make them have a relationship with God. I realized this weekend that there is a big difference between saying you believe in God and living it. There are lots of guys and girls out there who consider themselves Christian but don't have a real relationship with God. I'm a single Christian Girl seeking a Single Christian man who has a relationship with God. I can't accept any substitutes.